Don’t Say This to a Pregnant Woman

Now that I’m no longer pregnant I’ve been doing some reflecting on my experience.

There’s something about being pregnant that just welcomes unsolicited advice, comments, and conversation. I lost count of the number of random people who would strike up a conversation with me around my pregnancy, theirs, or that of someone that they knew. I grew infuriated at the freely offered, never asked for advice or tips. Just don’t say this to a pregnant woman…

I’m putting together this blog post to help the next round of women who get pregnant, not complain about the experience that I had. While I did complain to my husband quite a bit about pregnant, it was a joy to be so and a blessing. I’m also so thankful to be done and have little Fynn in my arms.

Don’t say this to a pregnant woman:

You’re Tiny!

If I had a dollar for every time that I heard this through my nine-ish months of pregnancy I could buy a house. While it might sound like you’re complementing someone, refrain from commenting on their size, shape, etc.

Yup, I didn’t gain a ton of weight. Call it genetics. Call it my first pregnancy. Say it’s because I was having a boy. I worked hard to stay active, eat right, and not gain the extra pounds. That being said, even though I was small compared to other pregnant women, I did have a full sized baby in my belly. It was uncomfortable to say the least.

People saying I was tiny made me think I wasn’t carrying a healthy sized baby. It made me worry. It also made me feel like they didn’t think I had reason to be uncomfortable.

Just don’t say it. Instead, ask them how they’re feeling. Say that they look great! Forget the glow, it’s nice just to hear that you don’t look as tired, uncomfortable, sore, etc. as you feel.

Just wait until you have the baby!

This one is especially directed at those people/parents who have gone through pregnancy, and for when you’re talking to a first time mom. I get that there are going to be sleepless nights after the baby comes. I get that I’m going to be worried when he gets here. But that doesn’t mean that you should devalue what I’m experiencing in the moment. Just don’t say this to a pregnant woman.

Since when did we lose empathy?

Seriously, just let them have their moment. Commiserate with them. Instead of saying “just wait”, say “I remember” and talk through the experience rather than cheapen it.

If they have a dog: His life is really going to change!

This one is a tricky one…I hated when people said this to me about our Murphy. I strongly believed and still do, that his life will change for the better. But, they meant it in the negative. IE we won’t have time for him.

Our dog, is a member of our family. He has his special place in our hearts and our lives, and I do not see that changing. It might be a learning curve and there might be some jealousy but we are all happy and healthy, not doomed to be shoved into the corner.

One of the best, most thoughtful presents we received at our shower was a book about our dog. It was a fictional story about Murphy and an adventure he went on. It means the world to me because this is something we can share with our child, and use to teach him about Murphy and how to love.

If you’re concerned, instead, ask me how I think Murphy will handle it. This will give me the chance to tell you how we are going to introduce the baby, and invite Murphy to be a part of his early days.

You Should/Shouldn’t Do That

From cycling to skiing, drinking coffee to God only knows what else. We got advice on everything. You have your opinion and you are entitled to it – but so do we. Everything my husband and I did, from mountain biking and skiing early on, to diet and nutrition, we did with research and under the guidance of our healthcare providers.

My husband would post a picture of us on the slopes and immediately get kick back about someone “worried about me falling”. Honestly, I have been skiing since I was three and I have more risks walking around the house than I do on the slopes. We talked through it as a couple and decided that it was better stress and exercise wise for me to continue doing what I’m passionate about than to be cooped up inside on my butt during the winter.

We did stop once I started to really get a belly and the bending over to buckle/unbuckle boots go to be too much, or my center of gravity changed too much. But to be honest, the crappy weather also helped convince us it was time to hang up our season passes for the year.

And that’s just one example. Just don’t say this to a pregnant woman…she’ll thank you for it some day.